There’s a subway line that all the time Everybody's always mocking But that’s just the words of the idiot herd ‘Cause I think it's pretty rocking You’d realize that if you prized Individuality This particular line is one of a kind, There ain't nothing like the G. People laugh and say that it should try to go somewhere But the G Train does it’s own thing, it doesn’t really care Oh wait, I thought it was coming there for a second. Guess we gotta wait on the platform That's all right, that's all right. “The G Train takes forever to come” That means it’s just reclusive “But it’s half the size of other trains”
That just makes it’s exclusive “The G Train is just too darn slow, “When’s it gonna come?” Pssh, you don’t know? “The G Train doesn’t even go to the city!” No bridge and tunnel crowd? What a pity. If the G Train doesn’t go there it’s no place that I want to be You can have the main lines I’ll be riding on the G This is where it’s at, man, on the G Train We don’t go to Manhattan, no we refrain There’s no other subway line that matches It’s not for the masses, it’s transit in small batches. That's right, this is artisanal transit right here. Each ride is unique. Know what I'm sayin'? They say the G Train goes nowhere, Well, I’ve got to beg your pardon Green Point, Gowanus, Fort Greene, Bedford Stuy and Carroll Gardens The G Train will get you there Tho it might take a while But when you finally get there You’re someplace that’s got style It’s all about Brooklyn and a little bit of Queens And people who have yet to let this city kill their dreams All the girls are cuter on the G Train They’re not mindless commuters with little pea brains It’s a challenge so the riders must be able It’s unknown and unstable, like it’s on an indie label You don’t have to dress up for the G Train There’s no one to impress so you’ve got free rein On the G Train you can be however you feel The G Train keeps it real, it’s like a dive bar on wheels Riding on the G Train. No man, we're taking the G. We're not going into Manhattan just to come back out. Riding on the G Train. Aw! It's at the other end of the platform! Run! Riding on the G Train. Ooh, let's get out here, this is my pirogue spot! Riding on the G Train. It's not really Queens, it's Long Island City, that's like Kenosha. Riding on the G Train. Ogee! Ogee! Ha ha, get it? Riding on the G Train. No, not "OG," "Ogee," like from Magilla Gorilla. You don't know Magilla Gorilla? Riding on the G Train. You don't… get off the G Train! Riding… Wait, it just stopped?

Come on! You always disagree! I know a guy, he makes me quite irate Anything I like he automatically hates He’s a contrarian, You can never be right! He’s a contrarian If all of his friends say they like a flick He’ll say it’s lame just to be a dick He’s a contrarian, “I don’t have to see the movie.” He’s a contrarian He’ll argue for days on end Just because to him that’s fun Never ending! He’s a contrarian He’ll say the opposite thing just to egg you on If the whole room is pro, you know he’s gonna be con... Khan!! He’s a contrarian, Everybody’s always wrong! He’s a contrarian He never takes time to think things through Automatic! He just disagrees because he thinks he’s better than you He’s a contrarian, “Pfff, yeah, you’d think that.” He’s a contrarian He could score more points than you and somehow say he won “I played smarter.” He’s a contrarian Watch him now! None of his beliefs are held deeply It’s all on the surface! Blindly choosing the opposite takes no thought It’s so predictable! If all of his friends became contrarians like him He’d say, “oh, that’s what you are? Then I’m not.” He’ll spend all day quoting useless facts, All of his videos are Betamax Betamax! He’s a contrarian, “It’s a superior technology” He’s a contrarian “It’s not that inconvenient.” Any agreement just makes him tense So he’ll argue things that don’t make sense He’s a contrarian, “I just don’t think puppies are that cute.” No! He’s a contrarian “Sunshine? Bah!” He would join the NRA just to say he doesn’t like guns Bwoh! Bwoh! Bwoh! He’s a contrary... He’s a contrary... A very, very contrarian Contrarian!

An idea that has really spread Is people could become undead That a virus or a fungus Could make zombies walk among us Movies games and TV shows Helped this zombie craze to grow Now everywhere you go these days The zombie trend is all the rage Everywhere I look There’s a new story or a book That uses zombies as a way To show society’s decay But with zombie antagonists There’s something everyone has missed An omission pretty glaring See, zombies aren’t that scary ‘Cause zombies don’t run They’re easy to flee from They don’t use shotguns, That’s why I’m not afraid of zombies They’re not too smart They don’t use golf carts I’ve seen worse at Wal-Mart, That’s why I’m not afraid of zombies anymore. People call me cavalier But I think that it’s pretty clear That I could overpower A thing that walks one mile-per-hour Maybe they’d be scarier If they weren’t so inferior If they had some more ambition Maybe became politicians But zombies don’t make plans They’re about as dumb as plants And their skills aren’t well-regarded They’re just slowly moving targets I don’t mean to gloat You could defeat them with a moat If there’s a zombie on my lawn I think the most I’d do is yawn They may be gory But they’re truly boring I’ll just out in bumpy flooring, that’s why I’m not afraid of zombies You can burn ‘em And they just murmur They’re slow learners, That’s why I’m not afraid of zombies They look hungover Even when sober They’re easy to run over, That’s why I’m not afraid of zombies I’m not lying I won’t be dying They’re barely trying, That’s why I’m not afraid of zombies anymore People would say that they fear zombies, if you took a poll But I think what they really fear is a world out of control Zombies aren’t too scary, I mean, heck, they barely move But the fact we can’t survive alone is what they really prove A symbol of our dependence, and that’s a source of tension Needing other people is something we don’t like to mention So fear a war or plague, or societal breakdowns But don’t fear any zombies, just mow those mothers down They may look intense But they’re quite dense They don’t play defense, that’s why I’m not afraid of zombies Their brains are tiny If they get behind me I’ll throw out something shiny, that’s why I’m not afraid of zombies They can’t do addition Or make decisions They have bad vision, that’s why I’m not afraid of zombies I’m not playing I’ll be zombie slaying They’re already decaying, that’s why I’m not afraid of zombies anymore.

I saw you on the subway You were all alone You gave me a quick glance So I followed you home You started walking quickly When I turned down all the same streets Pretty soon we both were sprinting ‘Til you ran into your building You thought you’d lost me at your door Then the lights went on on the third floor Now I know where you live And all I want to give you is my love My creepy, creepy love I don’t like your doorman He always tells me that you’re gone I’m just trying to get your shoe size For this little thing that I’m working on Why must you hide from me Can’t you let me inside I’ll be A gentleman you won’t get hurt I just want to smell your shirts You’re faking this whole hard edge I’ve been through your garbage And these charges filed are frivolous ‘Cause all I want to give you is my love My creepy, creepy love All I want to give you is my love My creepy love Why can’t you feel my yearning I am literally burning I mean literally, I lit myself on fire I’m the fuel you’re the matches If you’d sift through these ashes Maybe the thing you’d catch is my desire And my creepy love. I’m a hunka hunka burning creepy love I’ve seen you with that new guy The one that lives uptown I don’t think that you should see someone Who won’t for much longer be around And I don’t like that place you work I show up and they go berserk I only want to see you To dress like you and to be you I want you unobstructed So don’t think of it as ‘abducted’ Oh, that just sounds too negative Girl all I want to give you is my love My creepy, creepy love. My staring-at-you-too-long-in-public love My standing-outside-your-window-in-a-rainstorm-with-no-umbrella love My creepy love

I’m doing tech support for Mom & Dad ‘Cause I’m from the freaking future Every time I visit them I have to fix their darn computer They should have a service plan But they’re too frugal They think I know my stuff But I just use google (Seriously, just google the problem and you’ll find a solution out there somewhere. But don’t go to Yahoo Answers, those people are idiots). But I really should help Mom because She helped me with college And since I have a Lit degree I have to prove I have some useful knowledge And it gives me the chance to go in and erase all those Old embarrassing family photos (You know the ones, where you’re naked, taking a bath, in the sink. Try to find it now, I put it in a protected directory and you don’t have the right permissions! Ha ha ha ha!) Tech support for Mom & Dad Whenever I visit them they get glad ‘Cause I’m the only geek they had Tech support for Mom & Dad Tech support for Mom & Dad Tech support for Mom & Dad

There was a time when going on line Was something few people could do You needed a computer and a telephone A modem and an ISP too You paid for your hours and there wasn’t much power And at home was where you had to stay ‘Cause you could only make a call when you were plugged in a wall Back in the dial-up days And not only that, to comment or chat You had to find a Usenet feed Special software was needed if you wanted to read it And access was not guaranteed There was always a lag ‘cause servers would drag So flame wars took so long to blaze If you were an online jerk You had to put in the work Back in the dial-up days Oh, it was aggravating to disable call waiting So you wouldn’t get kicked off line And heaven forbid you traveled out of town Where a local access number was impossible to find Then they’d initiate a new software update And the progress bar would make your eyes glaze It took forever to download ‘em With your 56k modem Back in the dial-up days Sometimes you couldn’t get through and video barely moved Back in the dial-up days You may giggle and scoff, at least we could turn it off Back in the dial-up, where everything took a while, but Those were the dial-up days.

Girl I just want you Yeah girl! i want a world for just us two Ha ha ha, yeah! I wish my whole world were the two of us All right, let’s do this Hey man, this song is sort of personal, I don’t think it needs a guest rapper. Ha ha. Incorrect. Girl, you’re the best thing in the world Yeah girl! And I don’t want anyone but you He doesn’t want anyone but you He wants to be alone with you… and I’m here too When I look deep into your eyes Your eyes You are all I see That’s right, you’re all he sees There’s only you and him… and me I want to take you away let’s go! To a place where we can finally stay Ha ha! In each others arms all night Yeah, let’s all go away tonight What? I’ll be there rappin’ to make the mood right I wish there only me and you And me! I want a world with just us two Or three! No! I wish the whole world were the two of us Yeah, just the two of us We’re all alone just you, and us Girl, I’m sorry for my friends Yeah, they’re terrible Sometimes they can’t take a hint His friends are dense, I tell ‘em time and again How lame they are but it never sinks in Take my hand and run with me Where you goin’? Hurry! I want us to be free Did he forget to text? That’s probably what happened I guess I’ll stop up at his weekend cabin Now that we’re finally alone Hey! Oh, come on! Oh, baby, don’t go home Where’s she going? Don’t you know I’d rather be with you? Yeah girl, he’d rather be with you Some people, you know, you just can’t get through Girl I just want you That’s all we want girl I want a world for just us two Just us girl, in our own world I wish my whole world were the two of us Two of us girl, it’s a must girl, who ya trust girl? Just us, girl There’s so much I want to say Don’t think, man, just do it! But certain things get in the way Come on, man up, fight through it I know you really hate my crew Yeah, you hate… Who… Wait, what are you talking about? I know it’s hard to deal Do you mean KT? You must mean KT We’re always riding with a third wheel I know you don’t mean me I’d ditch them in a second just for you What! Oh, hell no, man! Hell no! Girl I just want you Oh, so you think you can just… well fine! I want a world with just us two I got better things to do with my time I wish the whole world were the two of us Fine son, that girl, you can have her Good luck on a pop song without a guest rapper Oh, that’s what you’re doing? Two years together, man! And you’re throwing it away for a girl you have to croon to? I can’t believe you finally got rid of that guy. Where did he come from, anyway? The record company sent him to rap on my first single and he never left.

You just sizzle In the morning I've got to have you next to my toast and eggs Toast and eggs I've got to have you, if I have to like a dog I'll beg I'm begging for it And in the afternoon I want you in between to pieces of bread Let's make a sandwich At night when I sleep thoughts of you creep through my head All night long I wanna take you and soak you in my salty brine And when you're cured I'll be sure you're mine I wanna lay you down and make you sizzle and pop I wanna fry a whole pound 'cause I just can't stop Gimme a strip, gotta get a strip of you Oh yeah, gimme a strip, gotta get a strip of you Gimme a strip, a salty little strip of you It'll get me through, yeah Gimme a strip, gotta get a strip of you Everybody's telling me that you're no good for me It's just not healthy They say my cholesterol shouldn't be 373 That's way too high But how can you be wrong when your strong flavor feels so right? The mouth wants what the mouth wants You're meaty and you're greasy and you please me with every bite. Tastes so good I wanna lock you in a room and smoke you for days Slice you thick or thin or in so many ways I know you're to blame for my insane behavior But I'm a slave to your savory flavor Gimme a strip, a salty little strip from you Oh baby, gimme a strip, a fat meaty strip from you It's what I need baby, gimme a strip, a salty little strip from you Oh yeah, gimme a strip, gotta get a strip from you Some people say that you've got too much fat But that doesn't faze me 'cause you're tasty like that I've never been so sure about how I felt The reason you're not kosher is god wants you for himself He's a jealous god Gimme a strip, I gotta get a strip from you It'll get me through now Gotta get a strip, a tasty little strip from you Oh yeah, I said gimme a strip, a fat little strip from you Come on, I need it! Gimme a strip, gimme a strip from you Oh, gimme a strip.

I see you eyeing me at the grocery store You got some just last week and now you've come back for more You've tried to cut me out but you just can't stay away Four out of Five gods say I'm bad but you want me anyway By the time I get inside your mind it's already too late If you get one whiff of my you know that you can't wait To taste my applewood Travel 'round the world you'll find I'm big from town to town I'm in breakfast lunch and dinner, baby, you can't hold me down I can be in a hobo skillet or in a martini glass Or wrap me around shrimp embrouchette and I'll kick some high class ass I'll pummel any pastry, I'll bury wine and cheese People want me so bad they'll get down on their knees To taste my applewood From the Northeast to the West Coast, and all the way down south I make people happy when they put me in their mouth My smoky flavor will take you for a ride If you want me you just have to open wide And taste my applewood.

I was just leftover poultry, so I was happy when you chose me And I did my very best to suit your taste And now you say you need me, but every time you eat me I see the disappointment in your face Excitement wasn't your plan when you first laid me in your pan I knew you were just trying to be smart You didn't want to take the chance, so you gave up on romance To be with someone safer for your heart And I don't want to be your turkey bacon I don't want to be the one you settle for Every time you taste me I don't want to see That you're wishing I were something more My heart goes through the wringer when I see your eyes linger On the breakfast menu at the restaurant You wish your life were grander, but you've lowered your standards Because you think you can't have what you want And I don't want to be your turkey bacon I don't want to be the one you settle for When your taste buds I am kissing, you'll just think something's missing And you'll be wishing I were something more And I don't want to be your turkey bacon I don't want to be the one you settle for I'll always be second fiddle to whatever's on your griddle And you'll be wishing I were something more.

My coffee cup was plain on the side I tried to hide it but the space was too wide So my idea was to try trickin’ it out So it’ll be stickin’ out when I stick it in my mouth But I didn’t want to do the same old thing With the gold bling or stones, like some old ho’s ring So I grabbed magazines and started looking for scenes Of things that had some kind of meaning to me. I remix ‘em and mash ‘em, with glitz and with flash I customize and my fly style hurts your eyes It’s a surprise when you realize it’s something I made My mug is one-of-a-kind and your mind has been played I could play all day with the clip art and lacquer Customizing my [stuff] I’m a houseware hacker And now my cup is covered with a cool collage It’s fly and that’s why I love Decoupage I rip it and stick it Rip it and stick it Rip it and stick it anyway that I want I rip it and stick it Rip it and stick it Rip it and stick it anyway that I want All my life I’ve been decoupaging I could go pro bro, it could pay for my lodging I’m a decoupaging dervish, the competition’s nervous ‘Cause they know I could stick a picture into any surface I went to a strip club I even decoupaged ass The girls were breathing hard like they was in Lamaze class I’m the master of plastering pictures If I wrote a handbook that [stuff] would be scripture Get your ass out my face, you can’t keep pace With your kittens and lace your [stuff]’s a disgrace Your place is back in a bed and breakfast lobby Decoupage is my life, to you it’s a hobby I could probably decoupage your face without you knowing I could decoupage an ant or the side of a Boeing And that 747’s fly fuselage will be my homage ‘Cause I love Decoupage I rip it and stick it Rip it and stick it Rip it and stick it anyway that I want I rip it and stick it Rip it and stick it Rip it and stick it anyway that I want

The date is set, invitations sent The deposit on the dress cost us 3 months rent Photographers, videographers, we’ve hired the whole crew We’ve been at this crap for 6 months and there’s still so much to do My fiancé, who I believe has gone insane Squeezes her upper thighs and says “you and I have to address this now! There’s no way that on our very special day we’ll be up there on display looking like two very dressed up cows!” So I gotta work out for my wedding, these pounds I’ve got to start shedding I need a trainer that’s a real hard ass, I can’t show up like a lard ass If I don’t lose weight I’ll be in trouble My girl will hire two body doubles So I’ve got to find a way To look good for just one day. First day out, I ran a mile Not all at once because I had to rest for a while I did six pushups, and then I did a crunch I did two deep knee bends and then threw up my lunch I’m trying but I feel like I’m dying I’d much rather be frying up doughnuts in a big vat of molasses Then I see the crowd while we’re up there exchanging vows There’s about a thousand people staring straight at our asses So we gotta work out for the wedding Or the photos will be too upsetting It’s not really about vanity We just don’t want to look like two manatees We’ll be stuck with those photos for years We’ll show them to all of our peers And we’d like to be able to say We looked good for just one day. We’re doing Yoga we do spin class We just ran a 5K and we both came in last I’m walking more, I take the stairs at work And every day I sweat through seven shirts I’m take fat burners and other supplements My heart is pounding, I’ve never been so tense I’m losing motivation ‘cause this is all for show Can’t wait ‘til I get married and I let myself go When I put on that ring, I’m gonna let myself go At the rehearsal dinner the pastor is prayin’ My girl and I are treating it like it’s a pre-bout weigh in I won’t even touch a salad while everyone else is chowing down I’m popping diuretics I think I can drop ten more pounds At the chapel someone hands me an apple And I have to grapple with the urge to through up on sight While my bride is looking very glassy-eyed When we’re standing side-by-side the two of us Can barely stand upright But we gotta work out for the wedding Even though we’ll both be forgetting Every detail of this day ‘Cause we’re wasting away We feel like we’re both gonna drop But our friends told us that we look hot And at least we can finally say We looked good for just one day We looked good for just one day. Just one day!

I come home and I know That something is the matter When I get in you don’t join in With our normal idle chatter Deep inside of me the desire to flee is stirred ‘Cause when I ask you anything you answer with just one word Hey babe, how’s it going? Fine. How was your day? Good. Oh crap. Um, what are your views on gun control? Varied One Word Answers, this is gonna be bad One Word Answers, why is she so damn mad? One Word Answers, I know I should run ‘Cause I’m getting one word answers from you I’ll never find what’s behind This drama I just got trapped in Because it could be literally Anything that has ever happened It could be something I said, a TV show Or a dream that’s causing this mess I’ll throw out some guesses, baby, just blink twice for yes Is it what I said about your mother coming to visit? Is it because I’ve been working late all night? Is it the car? You wanna go for a ride in the car? <slap> Ow! One Word Answers, this could go on all night One Word Answers, I would rather just fight One Word Answers, I’d rather get none Instead of one word answers from you I’d rather have a riot than unbearable quiet While I’m walking through this field full of mines ‘Cause all the words she doesn’t say will come back anyway At the absolute worst possible time You want to talk now, while the cab is waiting to take me to the airport for a work trip and you had ALL LAST NIGHT TO TELL ME WHY YOU WERE PISSED!?!? One word answers, like a fart in the room One word answers, each word spells your doom One word answers, I should eat a gun When I get one word answers from you One world answers, one word answers I'm so glad we got this all out into the open and I really feel like we can move on and grow as people. Don't you think we should be people who are in relationships where we feel more free? And I know it only took six hours but it was six hours well spent, don't you think? Whatever.

People listen to me 'cause I'm a B-list hottie I got a rockin' body so people look my way And since I get attention everybody wants to mention me In my head that makes me think that I have things to say You may think I'm lame but you know my name And this fame took no work to achieve. I don't know why, I don't have to try That's why I have been lead to believe I poop gold, I'm so interesting I poop gold, I don't need to think I poop gold, my job is being me I poop gold, I get paid handsomely And I'm great is all I've ever been told I poop gold People think that I just party but I work really hard Last week I just started a new workout routine But I do more than dance I'm trying to advance the world I tweeted to my fans that it is not nice to be mean I have no real skill All I do is chill And I'm still making millions a year. I don't wonder how my success is allowed There's no doubt, no, the reason is clear I poop gold, I'm so adored yeah I poop gold, must be my aura I poop gold, the public wants more of me I poop gold, I could never be boring And my escapades will never get old. I poop gold. I believe my every musing has mass appeal If I'm ever a bitch I'm just keeping it real With all of these people watching me I must be everything everybody wants to be I poop gold, you may think I'm grating I poop gold, but my life gets good ratings I poop gold, do you care who I'm dating? I poop gold, then you're participating And if you don't get me then I just think you're old I poop gold. I poop gold, I'm a phenomenon I poop gold, I ramble on and on I poop gold, I've got it going on I poop gold, as long as my show is on I poop gold, yeah yeah I poop gold...

I broke all your stuff since you've been gone Then I threw it out on to the lawn I can't make you stay I can't rekindle your desire But I can take the stuff you left And light it all on fire I told all my nieces your were dead To get the thought of you out of my head You said that you needed time You said you needed space Now I need to take my pictures of you And scribble out your face You'll say that I'm a petty fool You'll say I'm immature But you said it was over And now I'm just making sure And as soon as that guy from Craigslist comes and takes away your couch, I'll be sure

Welcome back to the countdown, this is Sean Ryecrisp here with you. Now I’m not really supposed to editorialize or give my opinions–it’s not that kind of a show–but this next band I have a real problem with because it was created by a SuperPAC, a political action committee. Now those are the people that spend all kinds of money on campaigns trying to buy elections and now apparently they’ve created a boy band in order to try to infiltrate pop music to get their message through. And I think that crosses some sort of a line and I can’t help… Oh, I’m getting a message here that says the SuperPAC in question is now a major sponsor of Countdown so, hey, I guess I’m all for it! Debuting at number three this week is the hot new boy band One Way Forward, this is On Our Side: This world is filled with rumors and stories And we’re here to tell you some more, yeah We’ll blur the facts and stretch the truth Because you’re worth fighting for We’ll spend all of our time and most of our money Trying to get our message to you ‘Cause if you hear what we say enough times It’ll sound true We’re gonna get you all riled up And take you for a ride ‘Cause we’ll do anything To get you on our side We’re gonna make you hate someone We’re gonna fill your head with lies ‘Cause we’ll do anything To get you on our side Don’t ask use where we got all this money ‘Cause we’re gonna spend it all on you, girl So take our hands and come with us We’re building a brave new world We’ll do anything we can To try to get you to care That’s why wherever you look We will be there We’re gonna push your buttons girl With all the rumors we’ve implied ‘Cause we’ll do anything To get you on our side We won’t bother with the truth And we hope that you’ll abide ‘Cause we’ll do anything To get you on our side Girl, our message is too polished to ignore You’ll buy in though you don’t know who we work for We’ve done research so we know How to infiltrate your mind ‘Cause we’ll do anything To get you on our side We’ll distract you with our show While our rich investors hide ‘Cause we’ll do anything To get you on our side We’re gonna make you hate someone We’re gonna fill your head with lies ‘Cause we’ll do anything To get you on our side

Keep Your Jazz Hand Strong don't try to block it, 'Cause your hand's not doing any good Sitting in your pocket Keep Your Jazz Hand Strong Don't take no jive. If you're not using your jazz hand Why are you alive? So many people living like they're in a trance, Just hit 'em with your jazz hand and make 'em dance Keep Your Jazz Hand Strong You've got to Keep Your Jazz Hand Strong Keep Your Jazz Hand Strong You've got to let it speak, 'Cause you ain't got nothing worth saying If your jazz hand's weak. Keep Your Jazz Hand Strong Don't leave any doubt, Make people take notice When your jazz hand is out. Don't pay any mind to those who say that you're not hip Just whip your jazz hand out and let it rip. Keep Your Jazz Hand Strong You've got to Keep Your Jazz Hand Strong If you let it atrophy there's no going back you'll be Another nameless person in the crowd Your jazz hand will protect you, it can make the world respect you So keep your jazz hand out and keep it proud. Keep Your Jazz Hand Strong You've got to Keep Your Jazz Hand Strong Solo No, you can do no wrong If you Keep Your Jazz Hand Strong No, you can do no wrong If you Keep Your Jazz Hand Strong...