The date is set, invitations sent
The deposit on the dress cost us 3 months rent
Photographers, videographers,
we’ve hired the whole crew
We’ve been at this crap for 6 months
and there’s still so much to do
My fiancé, who I believe has gone insane
Squeezes her upper thighs and says
“you and I have to address this now!
There’s no way that on our very special day
we’ll be up there on display
looking like two very dressed up cows!”

So I gotta work out for my wedding,
these pounds I’ve got to start shedding
I need a trainer that’s a real hard ass,
I can’t show up like a lard ass
If I don’t lose weight I’ll be in trouble
My girl will hire two body doubles
So I’ve got to find a way
To look good for just one day.

First day out, I ran a mile
Not all at once because I had to rest for a while
I did six pushups, and then I did a crunch
I did two deep knee bends
and then threw up my lunch
I’m trying but I feel like I’m dying
I’d much rather be frying up doughnuts
in a big vat of molasses
Then I see the crowd
while we’re up there exchanging vows
There’s about a thousand people
staring straight at our asses

So we gotta work out for the wedding
Or the photos will be too upsetting
It’s not really about vanity
We just don’t want to look like two manatees
We’ll be stuck with those photos for years
We’ll show them to all of our peers
And we’d like to be able to say
We looked good for just one day.

We’re doing Yoga we do spin class
We just ran a 5K and we both came in last
I’m walking more, I take the stairs at work
And every day I sweat through seven shirts
I’m take fat burners and other supplements
My heart is pounding, I’ve never been so tense
I’m losing motivation ‘cause this is all for show
Can’t wait ‘til I get married and I let myself go
When I put on that ring, I’m gonna let myself go

At the rehearsal dinner the pastor is prayin’
My girl and I are treating it
like it’s a pre-bout weigh in
I won’t even touch a salad
while everyone else is chowing down
I’m popping diuretics
I think I can drop ten more pounds
At the chapel someone hands me an apple
And I have to grapple
with the urge to through up on sight
While my bride is looking very glassy-eyed
When we’re standing side-by-side the two of us
Can barely stand upright

But we gotta work out for the wedding
Even though we’ll both be forgetting
Every detail of this day
‘Cause we’re wasting away
We feel like we’re both gonna drop
But our friends told us that we look hot
And at least we can finally say
We looked good for just one day
We looked good for just one day.
Just one day!