At least once a year I attend a big convention And seeing all the exhibit halls Is always my intention I give out my card and pretend to hear what you have to say But the dirty truth is I’m at your booth to see what you’re giving away, cuz I’m just here for the swag For the swag! He’s here for the swag! I’m throwing all the cool stuff I can find Right in my bag They're meeting and greeting While I’m straight up trick-or-treating I’m just here for the swag For the swag! He’s here for the swag! I’m just here for the swag! The good booths have the big crowds You’re gonna have to fight ’em If you want to go home with all the coolest items and if they hold out because they doubt I fit their strategy I make some cards up, say I run a startup And wanna do some B2B, cuz I’m just here for the swag For the swag! He’s here for the swag! And if it’s super-dope I just might post With your hashtag Tell them they shouldn’t censor me I’m an influencer And I’m just here for the swag For the swag! He’s here for the swag! I’m just here for the swag! Strolling through the halls, seeing all the exhibits If your booth has a giveaway you know I’m gonna hit it I’m gonna fit it in if I didn’t get it yet, son Then I’ll leave a divot when I pivot to the next one Get some! Power bricks and headphones Carabiner clips with sanitizing hand foam I’m going home with fabulous prizes If you’re stuff is that fly I’ll be back in disguises The sky is the limit, everything is in play If your logo’s on it I’ma wanna take it away I didn’t make it that way, this place makes me manic It’s kind of like a panic when they set up this dynamic Cuz I got the lanyard, you got the swag The only thing that’s left to do is put it in my bag ’Til it’s heavy and saggin’ and I’m draggin’ it away You can nag me but, hey, you know what I’m gonna say I’m just here for the swag For the swag! He’s here for the swag! I’m getting everything from hoodies to a microfiber rag There’s no sign I’ll be stopping I’m doing my Christmas shopping I’m just here for the swag For the swag! He’s here for the swag! I’m just here for the swag!

Who would have thought the money would run out When you stopped bringing money in? And when I try something that doesn’t work I can’t wait to try it again I got tired of always having to win Now I’m as broke as Kansas I couldn’t afford my school And I’ve taken out payday loans All my rainy day reserves Have already been blown I’ve pawned nearly everything I own Now I’m as broke as Kansas You know I still believe Tho everyone can see That everything around me is going down in flames But I’ll still sleep at night ‘Cause I always think I’m right And I’ll always find someone else to blame That's why I’m as broke as Kansas You could tell I’d wind up here If you took one look at my plan People say I should make a change But change ain’t who I am I'm not stubborn, I’m just living in a van (down by the river!) ‘Cause I’m as broke as Kansas My belief was pure I couldn’t be more sure That what I did would help me to be strong But now I'm in a bind And I still won’t change my mind ’Cuz I can’t learn if I won’t admit I’m wrong That’s why I’m as broke as Kansas Other people would see what’s going on And would figure out that they had had enough But I’ll stick with things I’ve believed all along I’d rather be wrong and look tough I’m as broke as Kansas I’m as broke as Kansas I’m as broke as Kansas I’m as broke as Kansas

Well, the beach is closed and I need some sun but when I go out I can’t avoid everyoneI wanna get some sunbeams on my face But I gotta give everybody their space So that means I can only go to one place… I’m catching rays (rays, rays, catching rays) On the fire escape (scape, scape, fire escape) It’s been too many days (days, days, too many days) How much more can I take (take, take, what can I take) I’m going out of my mind I need some sunshine That’s why I’m catching rays on the fire escape I got a beer and a shot (shot, shot, a beer and a shot) And the wind in my hair (… “shut up!”) I always get a spot (spot, spot, get a spot) Cuz no one’s ever there (I’m so alone) Oh, here are no ocean sounds But it’s the best place that I’ve found To avoid people cuz it’s 12 feet off the ground I’m catching rays (rays, rays, catching rays) On the fire escape (scape, scape, fire escape) I hope it’s just a phase (phase, phase, just a phase) It’s really not that great (it's not that great) It’s not sexy at all And there’s a chance that I could fall When I’m catching rays on the fire escape Well, I can’t play any frisbee, I can’t lie in the sand I can do two whole things, I can sit or I can stand I smile at people far away as they walk by my place But I don't know if they’re smiling back cuz they’re covering their face I’m catching rays (rays, rays, catching rays) On the fire escape (scape, scape, fire escape) Can’t catch any waves (waves, waves, catch any waves) I’ll never get in shape (I’m getting fat) It’s not a perfect plan But at least I’ll get a tan When I’m catching rays on the fire escape I’m catching rays on the fire escape I’m tired of catching rays on the fire escape

I work late almost every day ’Cause I need the overtime It don’t pay much but the economy’s such That I tell myself I don’t mind You get discouraged in a hurry When you’re doing so much to survive Every once in a while you gotta give yourself a smile And do something that makes you glad to be alive Booze, women, and movies Are the only things that get me through My life stinks so I grab a few drinks and find a gal and a movie worth taking her to I could never be a millionaire No matter how hard I tried So booze, women, and movies Help me enjoy the ride I could save every paycheck And pinch every penny ’til it hollers No matter how I tried by the time that I died I’d never have a million damn dollars You see, I gotta pay my car note I gotta pay for my phone and my lights And after the rent if it’s not all spent I’m gonna go out on a Saturday night For some booze, women, movies they’re the only thing that get me through Life is rough and I just make enough I don’t have any luxuries except these few My daddy even wrote it down in his will He said that on the day he died He wanted booze, women, and movies To help him enjoy the ride I could think of a lot worse ways to throw my money down the drain I could be dumb and give it to some politician for his campaign Instead of some booze, women, and movies Sometimes that’s just what I need I’m not a dunce, I know you only live once So give me booze, women, movies and just a little weed Well, I’ve never asked for a handout I pay my bills when they’re due and it’s the booze, women, and movies That help me make it through Yeah, it’s the booze women and movies That help me make it through

When I go beyond our shores I have to answer for The Orange Man’s views I Don’t have the ability To explain what they see On their evening news These jerks on T.V. Do not represent me, oh no They’re just embarrassing arrogant National fools And being lumped in with them is just cruel So when (whoa) She asks me if I’m American (whoa) I know she’ll judge me if I say I am (whoa) So I say that I’m from somewhere else And when (whoa) She hears my accent and she asks again (whoa) I’ll say that I learned English watching Friends (whoa) And I swear that I’m from somewhere else I have but few vacation days I won’t throw them away Explaining his crazy ways In a world filled with rage I don’t want to engage I could say I dissent but instead I just set it aside And point to my maple leaf pin with pride And so it comes To the point where she asks where I’m from I tilt my head and then try to play dumb And then I say that I’m from somewhere else Irrational and irate He’s on a new tirade All his bitching and complaining It can be so draining ’Cause you’re stuck explaining All of the shit that he says And When She asks me if I’m American I say “I want Obama back again” Until then I swear that I’m from somewhere else And when (whoa) She hears my accent and she asks again (whoa) I’ll say that I learned English watching Friends (whoa) And I swear that I’m from somewhere else Somewhere else